For many months no one realised that Earth was under attack.  Humanity continued as it was.  Alarms went off in the morning. Coffee was brewed.   Children were taxied around to ballet, football and school.

Change was slow.   People still swore at printers and kicked computer towers.  Colleagues continued to be backstabbed at the water cooler and friends were bitched about at the corner café. Normal.

The first incident that took the world by storm was when the President insulted the Pope to his face during a state visit in Rome.  The President apologized profusely as instructed by his PR team.  The Pope forgave as taught by his boss.  But the Public couldn’t forget and the President resigned.

But his example was followed.  A surge of unemployment hit the globe.  Jobs were not scarce, the economy was doing well but people kept quitting their posts, in their hundreds at first then the trend picked up and hundreds became millions.  Bosses were sent to hell.  They were asked to do things to themselves no human being should ever try.  One guy yelled so passionately at the Board that a vein in his throat burst and he bled to death.  He wasn’t mourned but his You Tube video hit seven billion views.

Then the theories started.  Anthropologists argued with psychologists and the World Health Organisation diagnosed a Tourette Epidemic.  Many agreed; it seemed like the only logical explanation for the world wide spread of verbal diarrhea.  Until the dogs started to speak.

Man went berserk.

People jumped off buildings believing the end was nigh.  Others praised their Lord; their one companion had become a friend.  Many dogs died in those first few weeks.  Fear was triumphant.

The scientist who saved the world was a grad student delving in UFOs.  He was hailed a loony at first but the evidence he brought forward made sense. The aliens had finally invaded, he’d said.  They came in the form of airborne bacteria that clutched to the roofs of mouths. They fed on pollutants in the air and shat out speech, through our mouths.  The only way to eradicate them therefore, was to clean up the air.

Photovoltaic Panels lined the streets and houses.  Forests began to sprout in city centres and Humanity finally went green.  And it was thus that the long feared alien invasion ended up saving the world.

When Aliens Go Green