Whoosh, Zoom, Crash

That thought again, recurring.

Brain clutches at it,

Eyes glaze over,

What lies ahead, ignored.

A car comes forward

fast, unseen.

Whoosh.

Steering wheel, useless.

Zoom.

Crash.

One errant thought.

Two souls departed.

Target: Trifextra

The Challenge: Exactly 33 words including an onomatopoeia

Aim: Fun

Acknowledgement:  Thank you Trifecta for placing me 3rd place in last week’s challenge; I really, really appreciate it 😀 (kisses)

End note: Hope you like this week’s post as well.

 

 

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34 comments on “Whoosh, Zoom, Crash

  1. Though I couldn’t bring myself to push the like button because of the personal tragedy aspect (wish they’d rename that button – it often gives me trouble), this was very, very well-written, Sandra.

  2. Loved the last two lines. Especially ‘errant’ thought

  3. Gina says:

    Congratulations, Sandra! Loved you piece last week.

    I want to like this, which I do because of the writing (very much). Sad though but a full story! Though distraction has consequences sometimes.

  4. LindaGHill says:

    Been there, though everyone survived. Nicely written!

  5. I love the short, jagged sentences. It works really well with the story you’re telling.

  6. DonettaS says:

    this was great. the story is wonderfully described.

  7. Draug419 says:

    Now I’m freaking out because I frequently lose my train of thought while driving! >__< Awesome piece.

  8. Mike says:

    What makes this so powerful is the fact that many of us have had that ‘errant thought’ while driving.

  9. jannatwrites says:

    What a tragic ending. Driving isn’t suited for multi-tasking, but I do have to admit that my thoughts have wandered while driving…scary what could happen.

  10. ann bennett says:

    I drive a tedious road each weekday morning. I don’t talk to anyone in the car. Too many surprises. I have seen my share of near misses. Good work.

  11. atrm61 says:

    Oh my!I don’t believe it-this is eerie Sandra-I almost wrote the same thing-I mean about a car & an accident-remorse as aftermath but changed it to “murder”-my favourite,lol!Your’s is as always,an exceptionally good piece & congrats on making the top 3 last time:-)

  12. Lumdog says:

    Sad tale but effective use of onomatopoeia.

  13. Suzanne says:

    Tragic, but well written piece! And great use of onomatopoeia.
    P.S. I agree on the “like” button. Let’s start a campaign for different button labels!

  14. This is intense. It builds nicely to the end.

    Thanks for linking up!

  15. Deadly distractions… sad but true. Very well written Sandra.

  16. I think about this all the time driving, Sandra. You nailed the feeling.

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