Category Archives: Rants

I grumble a lot. I find myself driving in my car in a fit of spitting rage, shouting incoherently at other drivers; I walk around the office mumbling to myself in a monotonous whisper; I walk in the street and realise that I am unconsciously gesticulating and suddenly having to creatively turn the dismissive wave of the hand into a sort of fly-flicking motion that should look natural to passersby unaware of the context of my rant. I rant, often and persistently. And in order not to feel like a complete lunatic, I will here turn my rants to pieces of writing aimed at other people’s amusement.

The Venomous Beast

Daily Prompt: Perspective – Write about the last disagreement you had with a friend or family member — from their perspective. 

The beast came at me freakishly fast.  Its gnarled teeth were exposed, its jaw unhinged, saliva drooping, it was ready to swallow me whole.  I threw potions at it that puffed ineffectively at its feet.  I threw knives, arrows; they bounced off like toothpicks.  I needed my axe. But I lost my axe fighting the Ice Troll at Drak Tharon Keep. Oh, what I would have given for that axe!

The beast was still coming. Continue reading →

Death by Paper

My first thought this morning was, ‘How the hell am I gonna make that deadline?’

I still had to print a gazillion pages, amend a million little bits before printing and remember to file everything in the right order before sending off the package at noon.

I made lists on my way to work.  I sighed sighs that should not have been half as deep at 08.00. Continue reading →

The Sweet, Alluring Smell of Paper

In this day and age, where everything is online, small and mobile, I still refuse to buy me a kindle.  I can see the convenience of it; reading using one hand, comfortable in bed, whole body under the covers, just one arm freezing on the outside — out of the sheltered warmth of the thick quilt — with no need to shift positions when a page needs tending to. But knowing all this, I still stick faithfully to the old paperback. Continue reading →

Excuse my French

A permanent frown was etched into the speaker’s face as her toneless monotone droned on.  Her nose affected a pinched tilt and her mouth drooped in the inevitable pout one acquires while speaking French.

The translator’s polite voice pierced through the three hundred pairs of headphones, his voice waning, getting tired.  Gulping noises came from time to time; sprinkled water on a parched tongue. Continue reading →

Bow and Arrow

WordPress Daily Post: If you could choose to be a master (or mistress) of any skill in the world, which skill would you pick?

Hands down I would pick Archery.  There is something inherently cool in a bow and arrow that no other weapon can achieve.  Do I prefer this method of assault because I am a Sagittarius?  I don’t know; I never really followed Astrology.

I do follow Walking Dead though and seeing that menacing redneck pointing his crossbow and shooting bull’s-eye every time his fingers release the trigger just steers something in me that shouldn’t be elaborated upon in a blog that proclaims itself to be PG. Continue reading →

Walking on Egg Shells

Today the WordPress Daily Post asked: “It’s never a good idea to discuss religion or politics with people you don’t really know.” Agree or disagree?

I would say that it is never a good idea to discuss either subject with people you do know.  Especially with my grandmother.  Had Granny Eve lived five hundred years ago her career of choice – given the option was available to women back then – would have been Inquisitor, the Spanish variant that is. Continue reading →

“EXTER-MI-NAAATE!”

Last night while I was sleeping a Dalek came to visit.  He was tall and his silhouette was the shape of a dark man standing one foot away from my bed.  He did not look like a Dalek at all, but I knew he was because he said, “EXTER-MI-NAAATE!” He said it several times in that monotonic and unrelenting voice his race usually adopt. I wasn’t afraid of him either.  In fact I was only confused. Continue reading →