Nameless

Maurice closed his left eye and peered through the little hole.  His body was numb; it had been for some time, his mind completely detached from it like a separate being.

The ambers of his cigarette crackled; its noise deafening in the silence, punctured only by the workings of Maurice’s lungs sucking in long swags on the filterless nicotine tube.

People strolled by, joking, laughing, arguing; visible only through the hole that Maurice peered through. But Maurice knew them; knew their jokes, knew their lives.  He was part of them; that hole gave him access; a peek into their existence. And he had to know them, after all, he was their god, at least, for the amount of time it took him to choose his target.

His finger was on the trigger, caressing the metal, now warm and soggy with sweat.

One man walked through the hole and Maurice’s breath faltered.  The hole moved, following the man.  He was tall, wore a long black coat, a hat, gloves and a smug look that only high-end executives wore, perched as they were above the rest of the world.  It was him.  Maurice’s heart told him that, the way it pumped faster, sending waves of hate around his numb body.

Maurice drew a long, deliberate breath on his cigarette and forced his chest still.  He breathed in the nicotine, tasted its dry bitterness, felt it empowering his mind.  His finger squeezed. There was no sound, not even a click, but the man, two hundred feet away, fell face forward on the sidewalk and became a corpse.

 —

For Trifecta.

The challenge this week was to write a piece using the word Deliberate:

1: characterized by or resulting from careful and thorough consideration <a deliberate decision>
2: characterized by awareness of the consequences<deliberate falsehood>
3: slow, unhurried, and steady as though allowing time for decision on each individual action involved <a deliberate pace>

I did mine, and if you think this one’s dark, you’d never believe the one I had lined up before I pressed Publish!

Hope you like it.

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36 comments on “Nameless

  1. Tara R. says:

    The tension and anticipation in this piece built wonderfully. Nicely done.

  2. yarrpirate says:

    Hee hee! Masterul – again! Really enjoyed that very much, hidden, like his was, till the end. You got squalid, cold, calculating, the precise mundacity of killing, and an injection, a sliver of sharp humour for your aficionados all there – alright, maybe only me, delighted as I was with the way you put us in your sights…do you smoke!?

    • Sandra says:

      I don’t smoke; I’m a serial quitter 😉 Thanks a lot for your wonderful comment, Sir Pirate, I really appreciate it and I’m glad you liked my little piece 🙂

  3. Kir Piccini says:

    ooohhh so good. I loved all the descriptions and the ending was perfect.

    you build such a strong story Sandra!!!

  4. yarnspinnerr says:

    Excellent narration. Kept me glued.

  5. f1nallymom says:

    oooh love the descriptions.

  6. jannatwrites says:

    This was intense! Now I’m curious what caused the shooter to hate his mark so much 🙂

  7. unevenstevencu says:

    good one –

  8. Love the way this builds up Sandra 🙂

  9. Linda Vernon says:

    Such an original perspective. The smoking actually becomes a character as well as the rifle sight (site?). Fascinating to read.

  10. Suzanne says:

    Tense and intense! Love this Sandra! That last line is awesome.

  11. Draug419 says:

    I like the way he sees the world through the gun sight. Very cool.

  12. Neetika says:

    Nice descriptions Sandra. The story left me wanting to know more details about the shooter and his victim!

  13. lyssamedana says:

    Really well crafted! The tension was amazing. LM x

  14. Thomas Marlowe says:

    I was always told it was a good thing to be able to see the world through the eyes of another 😀 What a great short piece about such an intense moment.

  15. I suppose a killer’s view would be mostly through his gun’s sight. Great look into another psyche.

    Thanks for linking up!

  16. Awesome POV; intense and, yes, deliberate. And smoking as integral part of the story. What floored me absolutely was: not even a click. *breathing out now*

  17. I LOVE this piece. I want to know more of this story.

  18. AR Neal says:

    Wow…I think I was holding my breath too through the whole thing! Had to go back and read it again after allowing a proper amount of oxygen to reach my brain. I could hear the Pow! of the shot…

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