Maurice closed his left eye and peered through the little hole. His body was numb; it had been for some time, his mind completely detached from it like a separate being.
The ambers of his cigarette crackled; its noise deafening in the silence, punctured only by the workings of Maurice’s lungs sucking in long swags on the filterless nicotine tube.
People strolled by, joking, laughing, arguing; visible only through the hole that Maurice peered through. But Maurice knew them; knew their jokes, knew their lives. He was part of them; that hole gave him access; a peek into their existence. And he had to know them, after all, he was their god, at least, for the amount of time it took him to choose his target.
His finger was on the trigger, caressing the metal, now warm and soggy with sweat.
One man walked through the hole and Maurice’s breath faltered. The hole moved, following the man. He was tall, wore a long black coat, a hat, gloves and a smug look that only high-end executives wore, perched as they were above the rest of the world. It was him. Maurice’s heart told him that, the way it pumped faster, sending waves of hate around his numb body.
Maurice drew a long, deliberate breath on his cigarette and forced his chest still. He breathed in the nicotine, tasted its dry bitterness, felt it empowering his mind. His finger squeezed. There was no sound, not even a click, but the man, two hundred feet away, fell face forward on the sidewalk and became a corpse.
The challenge this week was to write a piece using the word Deliberate:
1: characterized by or resulting from careful and thorough consideration <a deliberate decision>
2: characterized by awareness of the consequences<deliberate falsehood>
3: slow, unhurried, and steady as though allowing time for decision on each individual action involved <a deliberate pace>
I did mine, and if you think this one’s dark, you’d never believe the one I had lined up before I pressed Publish!
Hope you like it.
The tension and anticipation in this piece built wonderfully. Nicely done.
Thanks a lot, Lara.
Hee hee! Masterul – again! Really enjoyed that very much, hidden, like his was, till the end. You got squalid, cold, calculating, the precise mundacity of killing, and an injection, a sliver of sharp humour for your aficionados all there – alright, maybe only me, delighted as I was with the way you put us in your sights…do you smoke!?
I don’t smoke; I’m a serial quitter 😉 Thanks a lot for your wonderful comment, Sir Pirate, I really appreciate it and I’m glad you liked my little piece 🙂
ooohhh so good. I loved all the descriptions and the ending was perfect.
you build such a strong story Sandra!!!
Thanks a lot, Kir, I’m glad you liked it.
Excellent narration. Kept me glued.
oooh love the descriptions.
This was intense! Now I’m curious what caused the shooter to hate his mark so much 🙂
Backstory: He has just been fired and hates all money-making Executives on principle.
good one –
Love the way this builds up Sandra 🙂
Such an original perspective. The smoking actually becomes a character as well as the rifle sight (site?). Fascinating to read.
Sight, I think.
Thanks a lot, Linda. I never actually wrote a piece about smoking before 🙂
Tense and intense! Love this Sandra! That last line is awesome.
Your macabre taste equals mine; that last line is my favourite too 😉
I like the way he sees the world through the gun sight. Very cool.
😀 Thanks Draug.
Nice descriptions Sandra. The story left me wanting to know more details about the shooter and his victim!
So do I, I’m still thinking about that, in fact. 🙂 Thanks for your comment.
Really well crafted! The tension was amazing. LM x
Heh 🙂 thanks.
I was always told it was a good thing to be able to see the world through the eyes of another 😀 What a great short piece about such an intense moment.
In fact, while I was writing it, I could see through that gun sight so clearly that I kinda scared myself!
I suppose a killer’s view would be mostly through his gun’s sight. Great look into another psyche.
Thanks for linking up!
Thanks for your comment.
Awesome POV; intense and, yes, deliberate. And smoking as integral part of the story. What floored me absolutely was: not even a click. *breathing out now*
hehe 🙂 Thanks, Kymm.
I LOVE this piece. I want to know more of this story.
😀 We’ll see…
Wow…I think I was holding my breath too through the whole thing! Had to go back and read it again after allowing a proper amount of oxygen to reach my brain. I could hear the Pow! of the shot…
Haha 😀 I’m glad you liked it.